On the other side of things, my family is happy, my business is growing, and a few days ago I found a surprise lip gloss in the pocket of my jacket. Lip gloss is a big deal to me! Seriously folks. I love the stuff. I really don't collect much of anything, but I do collect lip glosses...and lip balms...and lipsticks! (I feel like I should be breaking into a rendition of Larry the Cucumber's "I love my lips!" silly song - but I'll spare you that.)
I have lip stuff stashed everywhere! My car, my purse, my work bag, my diaper bag, my filing cabinet, my bedside table, my kitchen drawer, my bathroom, my closet. Seriously folks! It's a big deal. So you can imagine my surprise when I could not find one the other day. Actually, I found about three, but none of them were the right kind. They were all colorful or sparkly and I just wanted a good clear balm. I grabbed a jacket off the floor of my car since it was getting chilly, stuffed my hands in my pockets and there it was! It changed my entire day. For some reason, I now believed that I could do it. I believed that I could rock it out. And I did. I had a rockin-awesome-tail-kickin'-amazing day.
On my amazing day, I still had laundry to be done. When I ate a bunch of caramels, I also had a bunch of other nourishing foods. And the structure that my coach set up wasn't serving my life so I changed it so that it did.
And here it is, the point. (The one you're hoping that I'll get to soon.) I often find myself stuck because I limit my options to polarities. Either, I can have a clean home or a messy home. I can have a good day or a bad day. I can manage my money well or I can manage it poorly. I can eat healthy or not. Living in this world of "either/or" is frustrating and restrictive. It allows for little creativity and loads of guilt. And it pushes me to start basing my worth on performance.
But I think that we were meant to live mostly in a world of "both/and". A world where you can both have a pizza-stained dog AND find some lip gloss and rock out a day. It means that you can create from whatever space you find yourself in, that something is better than nothing, and that the process can be just as fulfilling as the outcome. In a world of "both/and" we know that limitations are for learning and healthy doesn't mean perfect. It means we have more than two options and more than one answer can be right, more than one answer can be true.
Often when I'm working with clients that are in a stuck place, I ask them to describe their situation, its alternative, and then I ask them what else is true. It's actually a beautiful question. Because, you see, truth is so much bigger than falsehood. It is more and can hold more. Light doesn't compete with darkness. It radiates out and swallows it up. Light is brilliant and can present itself in many different colors, and darkness only has one.
I find that we often insist on living in a dualistic world (a world of "either/or") even though it has been proven by scientists and philosophers alike to be insufficient. We even make opposites out of things that aren't opposites! We say that love and hate are opposites when they're not! Hate is the result of love and indifference is their opposite. We say that our head and heart are at war, when it's actually impossible to choose one over or without the other. Next time you find yourself knee-deep in a pile of laundry or totally rocking out your day or loving on your kids or appreciating your spouse or completely at your limit or exhausted because it seems that no one else cares or works as hard or appreciates enough, next time you're there. Ask yourself, "What else is true?"
It might just transform those insufficient "either/or" polarities into a constellation of "both/and" creative options.